Skyway Avenue

Monday, February 02, 2009, 5:24 PM

WHEN IT'S WHITE.

It's snowing. Heavily.

Kids were playing there. I swear, they were all plotting to tempt me to join them.

The path I take everyday to seminars.

The other girls' flat. Ollie and Hannah's windows.

Car park infront of our flat.

Covered :)

Right, so it was bloody freezing outside. Danny and I wanted to play with snow but we weren't too keen on being outside in the cold so we decided to entertain ourselves in the kitchen.

We made a teeny tiny snowman. I named him Pierre. Danny wanted Jacques.

We were trying to move him to the fire escape. Danny looks like a proud parent.

Jacques-Pierre :)

We moved him to the balcony instead.

Lol there's my update. It's said to snow til Friday. Woot.

Beautiful when it's all white, isn't it?

xxxx

Thursday, January 08, 2009, 3:59 AM

I'M A CRIMINAL.

My rock band. In more ways than one.

I'm woken up at 4am by the loud bastards underneath Fox's flat. I'm egging their goddamn window.

I think Danny's awake. I'll see if he wants to do it with me.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008, 3:43 AM

ON A RANDOM SIDE NOTE!

Sudah kan buat essay ani macam-macam tia kan di buat. Lapar tia. Blogging tia. Kan gunting rambut tia.

Sigh. I'm just polishing up my essay and I can finish it really soon but I just feel like procrastinating a little bit.

My shoutbox is full of spammers. Hmm.

I'm SO excited about Barcelona!

I miss home.

Happy 46th Birthday, Ma! :D

Mmm Indomee.

Monday, November 24, 2008, 12:12 AM

HIATUS AND WEDDING BLUES.

Hey y'all.

I'm on hiatus until this Wednesday or whenever anything interesting pops into my head. There has been way too many events for me to blog about and everytime I want to blog about it I find myself too tired to cos I usually get home late.

But anyway. I will be on hiatus. Zaf, I will reply to what you've tagged me for ASAP. I have an essay to hand in and I think I'll devote my attention to that for now.

But before that, quick update.

I'm married to Danny Tearle.

That's the only thing worth mentioning. :)

Much love xxx

Sunday, November 16, 2008, 3:23 AM

FROM NOWHERE TO AS FAR AS EVERYWHERE.

I recognise that look.
It is broken.
When the ends of your eyebrows droop downwards
and your lips quiver
but you keep it in place
with your upper teeth biting your lower lip
so forceful
it might bleed if you're not careful.
You curl up into a ball,
scared that it would come back to hurt you
and bleed you dry of emotions.
You're scared air might be taken away
so you inhale and exhale so fast
that you drown out that abusive buzzing in your ear.
But not that guilt ripping your insides
so loud that is deafening.
Nothing can drown that noise out.
Not even the television you stare blankly at.
Your eyes are there but shows a distance
from nowhere to as far as everywhere.
It's blurred from wanting to cry
and having to cry so much.
It is full of hate
that couldn't distinguish between people or yourself
because in your eyes you are the same.
And it is unbearable.
I can tell.
Your heart is beating to a different rhythm from mine.

I cannot protect you.
Not with my arms
or my tears that drop
at the top of your head.
You want me to lift you up high again
but the baggage full of rage and resentment
is so heavy
that I cannot muster all of my strength to do so.
Even if I lift with my knees.
I'm too weak.
I should be training.
I will try to carry you on my shoulders
but I am only 5 feet 2 inches high
and you want your fingertips to touch the sky.
So, no, I don't think it's working.

And even with my effort,
you still cry.
With every tear you drop that was so silent,
I hear a meteor plunging into the bowels of the earth,
burning so deep inside
that the crackling of fire
sounded like laughter.
But I could be wrong.

I'll try again.
I will stack all my books high enough
to let you and I reach knowledge.
I will pile my clothes one by one,
but we need to be careful enough
to not knock over the confidence I've built.
Let's step on all of those who have dared to hurt us
and I'm sure we'll reach the clouds.
How about we ask those we love
to give us that extra boost we need
and we'll find ourselves
see the world as a colourful sphere.
Heck, I'll even wear my 3-inch heels
so we look good.

I know you wanted to reach the sky,
but I took you here instead.
We'll talk and no one else can hear us,
except maybe God
if he's not so busy.
You stare at the world so peacefully while on my shoulders
so I thought it was the best time to break the news.

I cannot fix you
and sometimes you cannot fix yourself.
It's unfair,
I know,
to leave our heartaches in the hands of Time
when we both know he's so unpredictable.
But whenever that happens,
I will lend you my shoulders
and everything I have to offer
so we pile it up high.
And Time
will be on our side
because he'll add more things to that heap.

And this time,
we'll reach for the stars.

Thursday, November 13, 2008, 7:24 PM

I'M RAMBLING.

I can't even begin to say how much I've done for the past week. I think my head is just swimming with more things to do that I kind of fused the two together and end up with a bunch of things cluttered inside my hollow head. It's tiring and I need a break but it seems like even when I am taking a break I feel like I'm working. What's that all about.

Anyway, I'm about to go grocery shopping in a minute but I just thought I'd update this sad, little blog for a moment or else I'll shut it down completely. Which isn't a very good idea considering I will blog again in the future.

I'm rambling.

BruKeele's a part of the BSU now and hopefully will be a part of KUSU once they set up a bank for us. BruKeele's so much work and I'm starting to dread being a Secretary. What the hell was I thinking lol. But I'm committed and I'm hoping everyone else are too.

I have an essay due in 2 weeks and I haven't really done anything. I have a presentation on Pornography next Tuesday. Why I'm doing one on pornography, I don't even know. I was just trying to save my lecturer from the lack of volunteers. This should be interesting though.

Much love.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008, 4:25 AM

BARACK OBAMA.

Take a step outside my hall and into the car park, you will hear the sound of live feeds of the Election Night coming from every direction. It wasn't noisy, or deafening. It was overwhelming. Enthusiasm unmatched.

For the past few hours eyes are engaged with the screen. Colours of blue and red flashing every now and then, politicians and strategists interviewed, clips of Tina Fey too but most importantly the numbers that showed the electoral votes at the top right hand corner. Everyone was waiting patiently for it to hit 270 or more. But it had to be blue. It must be blue.

And it did.

At that precise moment, when the announcement was made, there were squeals of joy from every direction and thunderous applauses, as if we were there. It was even more loud as it drowned out the noise from TVs everywhere. We witnessed a historical moment. It doesn't get any better than that.

You hear that? I think that's the sound of hope. Or change.

And it sounds good.

Yes, we can.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008, 9:50 PM

ELECTION DAY 2008

I'm mixing my blood with large amounts of caffeine tonight. It's Election Day today and I want to stay awake until they announce the results which is probably around 7am here.

Just a few words before I continue with a less political post.

Barack Obama.

Right, Danny and Robin were just hanging out in my room and we spent it talking about politics and Diana Vickers of X Factor. Yes, I have a favourite :)

It's 10.27PM and I'm already sleepy. Oh Lordy.

Friday, October 31, 2008, 12:31 AM

LIKE SNOW. LIKE RAIN.

It snowed 2 days ago. It started snowing when I was at The Kiln with Shukri having lunch together while dumping on him with my week's worth of worries. It was still snowing when we headed off to the library. It stopped snowing while I was at the computer lab.

Then it snowed again yesterday morning when I was up putting finishing touches on my short paper on Human Rights.

It was such a beautiful sight. Snow means it's too cold for rain and that didn't bother me in the least. Snow drops instead of pours on you. And I never liked it pouring. Just like everything else in my life. Like rain.

After handing in my paper, I walked back home with the white surrounding me. It was enough to make me smile all the way. Then I stopped. I stopped to stare at the patch of green surrounding a tree with golden, dying leaves.

And everything fell into place.

Everything made sense.

I continued my way home. Smiling all the way.

Thursday, October 23, 2008, 1:08 AM

YOU.

I just feel like I can't be saved.

Today, my daily routine felt like torture. It was tough and it felt ridiculous to go about my day when a huge piece of my world is crumbling down around me like fallen autumn leaves. I managed my legs to take me to wherever I was meant to go. I managed my brain to say things that was expected to be said. But my heart really wasn't there. It's at the other side of the world and I just want to be there with you. I want to be there for you.

My strength left me last night when I cried after being cut off from you. I lie in my bed for hours trying to make sense of everything because it felt so surreal. I used to think we were invincible enough to skip shit like these and our story was meant to be simple. But things have changed now and I know you need me to be strong for you, but you can't blame me for hurting... Because I know you are.

I'm sorry that all I have to offer is being there even though I'm not really there beside you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this because you don't deserve it.

I'm sorry I can't be your hero.

I love you with everything I have to give. And it's unconditional. Always.

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Fayezuana. 20. Brunei. Keele. Literature. Arts. Music. Trilingual. Globe-trotter.

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